On a Thursday in December of 1998 (a few days before I got my mission call), my friend, Mitch, gave me a ride on his motorcycle. Unfortunately, I burned my right calf on the muffler of his bike. I took care of it as best as I could but it hurt a lot and I had other things on my mind.
Friday night we were having a dance!
I tried to keep the leg of my jeans off of my burn. I held it up (that got old quick), I tried to roll the pants leg up (it still slid down), 'til finally I just let the material go. It occasionally rubbed against my wound but I was alright enough to get my groove on.
My family kept telling me I should go to the doctor but I would brush them off. Finally, on Monday even I could tell I should probably get my leg looked at.
After examining my leg the doctor informed me that I would need to go to the hospital.
I asked her, "Overnight?"
She said, "No."
I brightened and said, "Oh, for a few hours?"
She gave me a dark look and said, "Try a week!"
Now Sharon is a warm and caring doctor who has known my family for a long time -- she therefore proceeded to yell at me.
'What were you thinking!? Why didn't you come in here sooner!?"
So I told her the truth, "I didn't think I was that sick. I can still walk."
"You see that red line going down your leg? If it had gotten back to your heart, you would have died!"
She was really mad.
Apparently I had a third degree burn that was now infected.
The next few days were some of the most physically painful that I have ever experienced.
'Touching a raw nerve' is not just a saying to me anymore. I know exactly what that feels like.
The nurses would come in and scrape the older dead skin off of the new pink stuff. I was able to see the nerve buds regrowing.
I still had no idea how serious the situation was. (Pigheaded - who me?)
I remember sitting in my bed of the hospital room and asking my mom, "Do you think they'll let me out early? I have to practice my hula for the Young Women's sleepover next week."
My mom looked at me as if I was nuts. "Lehua, you'll be lucky if you can WALK normally after this, let alone DANCE."
Anyone who knows me knows that I am a hula dancer. I am never so happy as when I am dancing. In that moment, I couldn't imagine what my life would be like without it. My spirits dimmed. All the talk of skin grafts and whatnot finally hit home.
At the same time I knew that if I got a priesthood blessing everything would be fine. All I needed was the blessing.
I did get the blessing...and yes, everything worked out fine. I never needed any surgery which surprised the doctors. Me, I just gave them a 'told-you-so' look.
So why am I sharing this experience?
These last few weeks I've been thinking a lot on Repentance. In Sunday School, Abe (the teacher) asked, "Why is repentance important?"
And the thought that came to me was this memory.
Just like my physical wound, sin wounds my spirit. I could slap a gauze on it, maybe some band-aids -- at the very least, then it's covered. But underneath it's still festering and spreading. And left unchecked...it'll kill me.
Meanwhile though, I'm thinking...I'm not that sick. I can still walk. I can still function while I let this sin hurt my spirit. I can still go about my life.
My family saw the dangers and tried to get me to seek help...I didn't listen. Oh, I took care of it after a fashion. Noone could see it if I didn't want them to. But the injury still showed on my face and the way I carried myself - even if I didn't think so.
But it took a really dark time in my life to get the message to sink in. Only then was I ready to heal my soul for real. Not just to treat the symptoms..but to get to the cause and make it whole completely.
And now it's having the faith to believe in the ultimate priesthood blessing. The Atonement. My faith in a priesthood blessing to heal the sick is unshakable. I've seen it work multiple times in my life. I know it's real. The crazy part is I have trouble believing that the Atonement can heal my spirit. Not on any part of the Savior's. It's me. I'm not worthy. I've made too many big mistakes. I've repeated them too many times for Him to not be tired of having to forgive me of them. He's gotta be thinking, 'Yeah, I've heard that before.'
But now, slowly, I realize that the Father's love, my Savior's love and the power of His Atonement is so much bigger in so many ways..than I could ever understand. And yes, He can heal me. And yes, He can love me. And yes, it will be hard. But He will be there to help me. His Spirit guides me to know what I need to do. And in so many ways I am blessed. My life is filled with blessings and as I free myself from the disease of sin, I can see them more clearly.
I don't know how to end this exactly..but if you're reading this..you're someone I love..and I want you to know how loved you are from above too. Don't give up. It's worth it to keep trying.
